Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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