I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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