Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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