Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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