I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
