i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
