I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
