Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
