I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
