She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
