god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm really busy with my period
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