I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
