Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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