So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
why do cheetos always look like penises
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
this hospital has no fireball
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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