ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
