All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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