i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
