my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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