how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
