every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
