I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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