The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
