She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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