im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
