His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
