would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
