the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
