There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
