It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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