Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
