Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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