Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
