listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
