I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
