remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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