Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
