Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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