he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
