the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
