i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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