Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
