My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
