I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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