Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
