So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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