I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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