i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
