When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
