I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
