my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
