i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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