1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
