There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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