OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
People in love make me want to vomit
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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