I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
