So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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