That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she looked like the before picture.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
