the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
