i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
