when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm both gender and math confused
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
