you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
