omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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