Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
