I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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